31/12/08

It's the countdown to New Year, and heaven only knows what tonight has in store.
Me and my sister are painting the town not just red, but a rainbow of colours, after last night I can imagine that its going to be amazing.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
So Sunday, my beautiful god-daughter and my best friend came over to see me. Spent most of the day in town. Had a really good day just dossing about and looking after Mia. By the time we got back Mia was asleep, so we brought her in to sleep, however as babies shall indeed be babies, she woke up and started crying, so I had to sit in the papsan chair with her asleep on me for half an hour. To be honest I could have laid there for hours. I was very sad to see them go, and it was brilliant catching up with Chris too.




My dad came to collect me with my sister and we went back to her house, and did what we always do.

I can probably sum up Monday and Tuesday, day by saying, we shopped, we smoked, we laughed, we plotted and we watched films and had an amazing time.

Tuesday evening we went to Bar Eleven for the Phlebas NYE night, got smashed very quickly because of Jagerbombs, christ. Danced loads, managed to fall over twice, partied back at the house and stayed up till half six this morning.

Cotched on the couch all day today, myself and Nixi sent Roo off to the shops for munchies. Watched Gossip Girl and just monged, six hours of sleep before a ten hour bender is not good, I planned to sleep all day today, but did not managed it.

Now Hannahs back and we're getting ready for what we are hoping will be an incredible night.
Wax Bar
Lloyds
Rock City/Rescue Rooms/Stealth
For a night of immense DJs, plenty of alcohol and death to our feet.
Bring on the New Fucking Year of female males.

27/12/08

I think I need to recap over the last few days.

Sunday I was still not up for going out, so my sister came over for the day with an 8th and we had a good session, chatting and other such things, was a nice evening.

Monday as I was feeling a bit better, I went into Shotts shopping with my mum and her good apple. It was a nightmare, so busy. I developed a great hatred for people with prams, they are the bain of my shopping experience. However I did manage to found some nice things. Then had an unplanned visit to my sisters where I decided to stop over for the night. We got another 8th and had another very productive session. Decided to surprise Nixi with my visit, her reaction resembled that of over excited Americans on Homes Under the Hammer or whatever its called, it was most possibly the loveliest welcome I have ever had. We then all sat and chatted and laughed at Hannah taking Matt's duvet out of the washing machine and happening upon his boxers.

Tuesday I went home and hung out with my mum again, when I say hung out, I mean I walked in and helped myself to all the lovely new things she had baked and a large brew. Went to my dads that evening where we spent most of the evening having a blaze till two in the morning, when he passed out. These older ones just cannot hack it.

Wednesday I got up and chilled out on the sofa with my dad, had a lazy morning, then went out at about four into town, got quite hammered with my dad and met up with some old friends. Got back about ten and then carried on drinking and blazing. Had a really deep chat with my dad, we really got to know each other better and I finally came clean about me smoking and he said he wasn't bothered he was just glad I could tell him. Was a really fun night, really love being with my dad, he is amazing. Even if his tooth did fall out when he was chatting some girl up!

Thursday was spent drinking tea and chilling until we got to my auntie and uncles for a top notch dinner, as my grandma remarked "Oooh it looks just like its off the telly." We did the whole presents thing, but then left as me and dad wanted to get home and have a smoke. Watched 'A matter of Loaf and Death' was hilarious. Watched Gavin and Stacey and the Royale family and were remarking on how we never knew people lived like that. It looked really depressing, but then I realised that my family is somewhat like that, yes we have nice things and we have nice food, but we aren't rich we don't use crystal glasses and have MOET, or starters. But our family is the closest of any other family I've met. We get along so well, we care about each other and we are all best friends. I can never fault my family, they are more like my best friends. I love them so much, they are without a doubt the most incredible people on this earth.

Friday I went back to my mums, was sad to say goodbye to my dad, but I know I'll see him again soon. Hannah was already here and we had a brew and did the presents thing again. My mum always puts a limit on how much she is gonna spend, and once again we went way over the budget. She just cant say no. Me and Hannah were talking about how amazing she is, and how much she does for us. We had the nicest dinner ever and then just smoked some sheesha and spliffs and chilled out watching films.

Saturday. I literally have not moved off my ass all day apart from to make a brew, have a fag and eat some cakes.

20/12/08

So, due to being uncontrollably ill, I am now home.

It was very unusual how it all came about.
One minute I was fine practising for the panto, then next I was dead.
It happened at about half past two in the afternoon, I felt very achy, sick, dizzy and feverish, so I decided to have a nap before going to work, hoping I would be able to sleep it off.
After being at work for three hours, and having to rush the toilets every fives minutes as I though I was going to be sick, I decided to go home and try and sleep it off properly.
Got into bed about half past nine, started to watch a film, and then just died, right then and there. I was in agony my whole body was in pain, one second I was scolding hot the next I was icy cold, I felt dizzy, bright lights made me feel faint, I had an excruciating headache, tight chest and felt like I was about to throw up. I couldn't get settled and could not relax. I spent the entire time tossing and turning, crying as I was so frustrated that I couldn't sleep. At about half past four I decided to move into the living room and watch TV, see if that would help me drift off. As soon as I'd gotten into the living, I threw up (luckily I'd bought my little bin through) I was so painful, and I went very cold and almost passed out. I laid down and called the out of hours doctor who told me to go to my GP straight away.
I stayed up all night and then very slowly and painfully went to the doctors in the morning. I got wrote off work for seven days and put on some medication.
I'm, feeling slightly better now I'm taking three different tablets at once.
Rang my mum and told her what happened and she promptly jumped in the car and drove the 300 mile round trip to High Wycombe to come and get me.
So I'm now back at home, its so odd how much the house has changed since Ged moved in. It looks beautiful though. I feel better being back in my own bed (I forgot the comfort of a double bed). However my mum and Ged are away this evening to I'm going to stay in dosed up to the eyeballs watching films.

I watched Baz Lurhmans adaptation of 'William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet' last night, and cried. I also watched 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and again, cried. Although this time I was unsure why. I think I have a let of pent up emotion that I need to release, the only problem is I don't know what form to release it in as I'm not exactly sure what it is I am feeling.

I'm going to be seeing my sister tomorrow. I cant wait. It feels so good to be back home.

17/12/08

Amazing night.
Listening to Caspa and Rusko before starting the night really got me in the mood, I forgot how much fun it was to dance in my room like an utter moron.

After downing a jug of vodka and redbull, I was ready to take on the world, despite being slightly moist from the rain and in pain from the ridiculous shoes.
Met up with Ryan, Sarah, Portia, Carolyn, Adam, Rob, Lisa and Dave.
Danced the night away to cheesy music doing the bump and grind.
Got dragged to dance by some random fittie.
Where did he go by the way?
Random dance offs with Ryan left my feet in a state of distress.


Been a lazy week so far, consisting of a few lie ins, odd bed fun filmage, assessment results and too much weed/alcohol.

The party on friday was a blast, as were the random necessities consumed to have a good night.
I managed to get a costume sorted in five minutes after my girls blasted twenty different ideas to me, we settled on a housewife, the one and only time i shall don such an outfit.
It was odd to be out as a flat again but also just as fun.

I seriously cannot wait to go home, I miss everyone so much, especially the sister, whose random phrases have kept me in stitches the entire fortnight.

Seriously, if my phone cuts out one more time whilst I'm texting, its getting a one way ticket to heaven. The last thing it will see is the wall before it shatters into an unmendable mess on the floor. It always happens after a night out to the Tree.

My minds a bit all over the place at the moment, but I'm coping, and finding I'm quite enjoying the place I'm in at the moment, it has no rules, no boundries and excess amount of fun.
Lisa actually said to me tonight whilst I was doing the 'Thriller' 'You look so much happier, It's great." Was amazing bumping into her, haven't seen her in time.

I know there is more I need to write about as I've been so busy, but I honestly cant think right now what to put. Whether this is due to the amount of alcohol swimming around my system or the fact I just cant remember I'm not sure. I'm guessing as I'm writing coherently its due to the fact I cant remember.

So on that note.

xoxo

9/12/08

This is becoming ridiculous.
I cant even leave the house through fear of God knows what!?
Hibernation definately seems like the best plan.

9/12/08

So I'm experiencing another case of emotional salmonella. I'm just not feeling myself lately. Everything seems off and at a tangent, I'm confused and finding myself in situations I thought I'd never find myself in. To be quite honest, I just want to hibernate till the 24th when I go can home, everything makes sense back up north.
Having a quite in depth conversation with my sister about men, and I'm happy to find its not just me who thinks they are a confusing race.
After a good hour chatting, we have decided the only men we can trust, is our dad, and our granddad.
I just find I'm sick of watching movies that have any kind of relationship in them, Disney or otherwise. Its all a load of bollocks.
I sound rather bitter, and quite cynical, but I have a lot to base my theories on, more so in the last couple of weeks.
On a lighter note, I have a new heater so my room is warm. Every cloud and all that. It keeps me cosy and I quite like it, especially as its a fan heater so it doesn't blind me every time I switch it on.
I don't really have much to say, I also don't want to keep moaning about my annoyance at the opposite sex.
Apart from the apple I've just consumed which was, well frankly a bit of a disappointment, I'm feeling rather empty and slightly guilty, for a crime I have even committed, yet. That's not to say I shall commit the crime, but I feel I know myself a little too well by now to realise, I'm a bitch.
However this shall carry on, until the New Year, when I feel a change shall be in order, or at the very least an attempt at change.

I'm not looking forward to the four days I shall be spending on my own before I go home for the holidays, vast amounts of ice cream will no doubt be consumed, tied in with vast quantities of alcohol and cannabis.

Right now, I think the only thing that would cheer me up, is if Josh Hartnett broke down my door, looked at me in all my pyjama glory and declared his undying love for me, hopefully whisking me off to some form of utopia where he will walk around in naked loveliness.

Here's hoping.

4/12/08

So I've not been home in four days, I seem to have moved into Portia's and left my mark by making her room messy.
We've had the majority of this week free with no assignments imminent. We have relaxed and it was been amazing, bar me breaking my toes, scolding my fingers and almost killing some children at the swimming baths, its been pure jokes.
Last night we all went to the Litten Tree, where I very nearly wet myself with the escapades that were being played out in front of my very eyes, along with Ryan breaking the barrier and Myself, Portia and Ryan mimicking the choreographically challenged.
As well as the DJ announcing Portia's new found Virginism to the entire club, with people graciously offering their services to 'pop her cherry.'
Almost got into a bit of bust up with some unknown girl because I was talking to her friend. The word obsession springs to mind, hers not mine, the only obsession I had that evening was with the bar, to which the consequences were somewhat laughable. After being escorted home and using the entire street to stumble around on (I am blaming my shoes and broken toe for this not the large quantities of alcohol swimming around my blood stream), I then collapsed onto Portia's bed screaming in delight that I'd found her Shaun The Sheep top that I always sleep in, its become something of a security blanket to me.

I literally have not moved out of Portia's bed all day, there is a groove now where I've been laid all day, watching Gossip Girl and 13 going on 30, with another Dominos in hand. We are on first name terms with the delivery guy, I think we need help.
'Hi I'm Morgan, and I'm a pizzaholic" or something similar to that.

I find sleeping at Portia's very soothing, I just seem to drift off a lot better and I don't have any panic attacks like I do when I'm in my own bed, which is always a plus.

I've been thinking about home a lot today, I cant wait to go back. I need the love that only a family can offer, and to leave my Wycombe lifestyle behind me, if only for ten days.

Signing off.

xoxo

30/11/08

Why I love my sister:

Hannah sdfkslkf;sdkf!!! my baby is broken! someone who is good with technical stuff please help me immediately! i duno what to do :'( heeeeeeeeeeeeelp! 8:36pm - 6 Comments

Morgan Dalzell at 8:38pm November 30
you actually have a broken baby?

Hannah 'ill' Dalzell at 8:42pm November 30
i'm heartbroken sister :(
my baby has died :(

my poor ipod
and aaaallllllll my music
and aaaaallllll my movies (23 to be precise!)
and aaaaalllll my pictures

NONE of which were stored on my laptop so now i have to start from FUCKING SCRATCH
ARGHHHHHHHHHH

I'M SO PISSED OFF I COULD ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE

my heart has been ripped apart by technology :(

i fucking hate apple

Morgan Dalzell at 8:44pm November 30
oh dear, that certainly sounds like a disaster. have you tried throwing it against a wall? take it into the apple store, they maybe able to get all your things back. we shall have a funeral when i come over, and smoke a doob to honor the poor baby ipod.
hang on, how the fuck has yours broken? its newer than mine!

Hannah 'ill' Dalzell at 8:47pm November 30
i feel like throwing it against a wall i tell thee!!
i feel like ripping it open and spitting inside it but i'm not that strong

I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MY IPOD.

we will have a funeral
and we will cremate the bastard for being so thoughtless as to die on me!

IT KEEPS TRYING TO TURN ITSELF ON AND IT IS FAILING
WHY WON'T IT GET THE MESSAGE?!
i think it needs a straight jacket and a padded cell tbh.
a doob in honour of the illPod sounds good.

I dunno! fucking useless thing!
i've only had it a year!
less than that actually!
i shall hunt out the documents and take it to the apple shop tomorrow
and scream at the bastards if they don't give me a new one!

aaallll my pics :( my memories!
and music! and films!
i had so many good movies!
arrrrggghhhh =[

as you can tell i'm rather distressed by the matter.
a cigarette is in order
and a distress call to mother!

Morgan Dalzell at 8:52pm November 30
you do sound very distressed. maybe put said ipod to bed, it may be ill as opposed to dead, there is a bug going round.
keep it warm and safe then take it to apple hospital tomorrow.
i agree a cigarette may help ease the matter, and maybe a barny at the mother.
you can make new memories and i shall help to bring some of the old ones make. may i suggest an external hardrive? the big brother of the apple, to back up all your memories, songs and films, incase this should happen again, you shall have them stored. lets pray it is not this ipods time and it is not off to iheaven.

Hannah 'ill' Dalzell at 9:21pm November 30
hhmm, it is sleeping in my draw, but it won't close it's eyes! (the light won't go off)
yes! it will be straight to apple a&e tomorrow!
haha i just spoke to mum, she's insane as usual!

external hardrive is the way forward, my next expensive purchase methinks!!

HAHAHAHA

sister o' mine, you do make me giggle some what!!

26 DAYS :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

x

29/11/08

Well, I'm happy to say my assessment is finally over, so I went out and celebrated in style.

Works meal with the girls at Zizzis, it was delicious (well what I could managed, which was actually just the salad and cocktail but yummy none the less), then to the new bar, which was utter shite, Glasshouse then ended up dancing the night away in Butlers. I felt like I was on holiday with the warm air and Caribbean style music. Managed to get home after I took my shoes off, luckily there was no glass on the floor. I did get offered a piggy back ride home by a randomer, but I passed, instead choosing to cool my burning feet on the concrete floor.

Was utterly exhausted when I woke up, and would much rather have stayed in my warm bed then face the icy air outside.

Whilst walking around with Leanne and chatting about many things, we decided to AQA ourselves. I was mildly scared on what they new about me, until I realised that actually they'd just googled me and found my myspace photo: 

Morgan Dalzell is 21 years old and lives in High Wycombe.

She is a very glamorous blonde and loves cats (do I)?

The name Morgan means 'sea circle' (thanks for clarifying that AQA)!

I then asked them more about Morgan Dalzell, to which they utterly fucked up and replied with:

Morgan Dalzell was born in Dunedin on the 25th

of November. Her nicknames are 'Morgz' or 'Morgy',

 and her star sign is Sagittarius. She wants to be a chef.

Well done AQA. Idiots.

Went over to Portia's after to help cheer her up, we went food shopping as both our cupboards are bare, and had some food at McDonalds where we discussed our utter hatred of children.

Its hard to believe if I had stayed on the Health and Social care path I started on after school, I'd be a Nursery Nurse now, I honestly cant think of anything worse. 

As i was unpacking said shopping, the handle of the poor quality plastic carrier bags supplied by ASDA broke, leaving my olives in a mess of glass and brine all over the floor, I was slightly heartbroken, but as I was mopping up, I found the 20p I had lost some weeks ago, so I guess its swings and roundabouts.

I'm missing my sister vast amounts today, I can't wait to go home and see her, and spend some well deserved time relaxing, smoking and doing Achmed/KiDULTHOOD impressions. 

As much as I'm enjoying University, I cant wait for whats going to happen when I leave, a year of travelling with Portia and Steph is going to be amazing, especially as we are now discussing buying a VW van and road tripping most of it. I want to see everything the world has to offer and I cant think of two people I'd want to do it with more than my girls.

My minds in a slight state of confusion after hearing things, and then not knowing what to believe. 

I'm looking forward the break Christmas is going to bring. Even though I'm only home for a week and a half as opposed the the full three weeks, it will be nice to go home and see everyone. I have no idea what I'm going to to for the other one and a half weeks in Wycombe, probably stick rusty nails in my eyes just to keep myself occupied.

23/10/08

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free).

This song, made me realise.

So I've spent the last three days at Portia's, It was good to get away, from everything.
After staying up till 5:30am and then going into work for 10:30am for a six hour shift, I felt a little rough.
I have decided to exercise some form of self restraint.
I'm going back to my old 'party animal' ways, even though I'm enjoying it, I still find I'm feeling empty.
We have both sworn (by pinky promise) we are staying in this week. We need to do our uni work.
We started by taking a mini road trip (about 20 miles round trip) to Lidl to try and inspire us. Even though my mind didn't jump start into creations mode, I didn't come away empty handed, I bought £5 worth of delicious 'I'm depressed let me eat chocolate to my hearts content' food, oh and some cereal....
We finally watched the end of gossip girl, with £40 worth of dominos, we discovered not only end of the cardboard boxes, in which said delicious food was delivered, but also the end of the series.
It was sad, to say the least. I found the one thing I believed in most over the last four days was destroyed. Dan and Serena made me believe again, even if only for a little while. It made me realise that even the glorified, American drama soaps, never have happy endings. I start to wonder, can anyone really make it?
Do I even want to? Ive stopped trying.
I am proud to say I have tidied my room, even though my mind is still a mess, I felt I needed to have at least some form of organisation in my life, so it was my room that bit the bullet, as opposed to my spiralling self worth.
Since writing this, and having sworn by pinky promise a mere few minutes ago, I have already had an invitation extended to me to attend to the Antelope for bingo, pub quiz, and more than likely a few beers. Surely one more night out wouldn't hurt? it is after all, not the beginning of the new week yet.
Work was a nightmare, and tested my knew 'I shall be good' mind to the test, and I had to bite my lip quite severely. I can still feel the teeth grooves.
Ive had my heater on for some time now, and my room still feels like an igloo, my nose is a mini ice cube on the end of my nose and I cant even feel my toes. The only thing I can honestly say I'm enjoying right now, is my bumper pack of penguin bars, purchased and Lidl for a mere £1.
I'm going to climb into my oven now, hopefully the feeling in my feet will be quickly restored.

20/11/08

So I've spent a select few days in the past week, consuming far more than my recommended unit intake of alcohol. However, I have managed to justify this by thinking 'Well, I don't go out every night and have four units, so therefore, I can save up my units throughout the week, and have a couple of benders instead.' Justified? Yeah.

After spending many a night over the past few weeks doing college work, myself and Portia went out last night (on one of said benders), danced the night away, and spent today recovering. Spending six hours in bed with Portia watching Gossip Girl, was possibly one of the best afternoons ever. 

We consumed our body weight in junk food. I bought over eight yum yums, to apologise for my lack of appearance at university today, due to huge lack of sleep, and large intakes of alcoholic beverages, I was still slightly drunk in the morning.

We also couldn't be bothered to get out of bed to make food, so ordered in. Dominos, the food of the lethargic.

Now faced with an early morning start to do some research for the VMC essay, I am having a somewhat early night (compared to the 7am bedtime I had last night).

My room has again, turned into a state of distress. A perfect visual representation of my mind, I cant find anything, nor can I see my floor. I find it comforting, in its odd 'everythings a mess' state. 

I can feel my eyelids getting progressively heavier. If I could sleep for a week, I'd be very happy.

Bring on the Christmas Holidays anyone?

13/11/08

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you try to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

12/11/08

So with my huge workload and imminent break up, I think its safe to say I've been feeling very low, and on the verge of jumping off a cliff, or as close to a cliff as you're ever gonna get in this dive of a town, the Wycombe Swan. Needless to say my life has been better, a general mix of confusion and self doubt, including self hate are a recipe most likely to give some form of poisoning, if I had to give it a name, it would be emotional salmonella.
However, there have been some perks, the visit from the mothership and younger sister, along with my mums live in boyfriend, who is favourable, I'm happy to say she's finally found her good apple :) They really perked up my weekend, I now cant wait to go home for Christmas.
Getting feedback on my creative writing brief (Dick Turpin's last ride, which can be found on my work blog) A- which I was utterly thrilled about, got some brilliant support and feedback from Lyndon. Cant wait to do my next writing brief.
And, of course, Portia and Steph, who are without a doubt, the most brilliant friends in the world. I love them more than tea. They took me on a trip to Windsor to cheer me up, we went shopping, well window shopping as we're all far to skint, and we had lunch and Ben&Jerrys. It was a brilliant day, they are amazing people, also the phantom finger was a real picker upper, quite literally in fact.
I know these two are going to be my best friends throughout my entire life, they are the salt of the earth, and I'd move worlds for them if it were possible.
I feel so utterly exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. A week in the Bahamas anyone?
I feel I cant hold on to the little things anymore, but I cant forget them, and all that's been running through my mind is how much I ache inside. I feel numb, which I'm sure is due to the heartbreak and not the temperature of my room, which even with the mini heater on, is still snowing in the north west corner.
Regardless though I am still determined, and I hope things will get easier, how long it will take I don't know, I'm not even going to fathom a guess, I'm just going to go to bed, and hope tomorrow is an easier day.

02/11/08

So with Redabelle quivering with laughter on the sofa next to me (she's watching Russell Brand's Ponder Land), i've decided its about time to update.
So I have £30 to last me four weeks, I actually cried when I saw my bank balance, i've been so careful, and with a £500 outstanding payment for New York, and £50 worth of bills to pay, i'm going to have to sell my soul, or worse, my belongings (I shall never part with my MAC though).
Really miss the parental units, cant wait to see them (one week for the mother a fortnight for the father) excited much?! :)!
I've been immensly busy, what with Dave Morris Flying Lessons, and the M&C Saatchi brief (which we won yay)!
By Thursday, it felt like my brain had melted down into my shoes.
My bedroom looks like a bombs hit it, after spending a whole hour tidying a mere few weeks ago, I am very disheartened to find it in a state of, well, mess.
Saturday was probably the best hangover day i'd ever had. Despite the fact that I was utterly annoyed I felt hungover after not being in the slightest bit drunk. Rain, pyjamas, duvet, Ice Age 2, Harry Potter and wedges sum up my day perfectly.
I cant focus on writing, I keep thinking about my money problems, i'm going to go to bed and cry, and hope maybe instesad of tears £20 notes will come out.

24/10/08

After waking up late afternoon, my room was so cold I swear it was snowing in the bottom left corner, I was just waiting for the penguins to tottle out under my bed and start skiing around my room. Fucking mini Antartica I kid you not!
However I am now the proud owner of a Halogen Heater, which is as warm as the sun and annoyingly just as bright. It will blind anyone stupid enough to look into it.
A hour or so later I found myself sitting in the cinema, with my two favourite people, feeling what I thought would never happen. For months I fought it, and sitting there, staring at the screen, I found myself loving high school mucial, with passion. I've always liked it, but boy did I get into watching this one, I clapped, I cooed, I smiled, and as much as I thought this would never happen, I wold whistled Zac Efron, thats right people, i've finally been seduced by the blue-eye babe. The junk yard scene did it for me (anyone who has watched HSM3 will understand which scene I am talking about). I am now hooked and intend to buy all three DVDs, and also a Zac Efron poster so his face may forever grace my wall.
After swooning at the cinema, and walking back through the foyer (singing 'We're Breaking Free!') we trooped around the shops, and purchased all manner of lovely things we could not afford, then pissed the Starbucks staff off by staying thirty minutes after closing talking about Zac.
We then went back to Portia's house, and put on HSM1&2 and sang along, completley out of key, but loving it none the less.
We then spent five hours working on our Advertising Analysis Brief, which, actually was great fun, we all realised it was the first time we had felt like proper advertisers, it was just the kick up the tucas we needed. We shared sweets, a love of most advertisments, but a great hate for the Halifax and Garnier Nutrisse adverts.
After returning to my humble abode (at 3 am) I clambered into my bed, switched on my sun box, and read until I passed out from brain exhaustion.
It was a fabulous day, I love my two girls, more than anything.
I would like to sign off by quoting Steph.

'Backwards Bunny Ears Up At You.'

22/08/09

Well, what a busy few days.
What I thought would be happening, on Sunday for the hair modelling, (sorry, midly distracted there by Laurence sitting on the bed, pressing keypad buttons and doing little dances, I'll kill him later).
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the hair modelling, my good grief. What a day! What I thought would be a quiet, relaxing day of having my hair done and having a few photos taken turned into.....


....the salon international!
Housing a good few thousand people, hundreds of stalls and stages.
Christ, my hear dropped to my feet and I felt very faint, the gorgeous (but a size too small skirt) they had managed to squeeze me into was cutting off circulation and oxygen, as hungry as I was (having nothing all day) I thought it would probably be better not to eat, as one extra thing going into my abdominal area, would most certainly result in combustion of either myself, or said skirt. So like a true model, I sat there drinking my water. The shoes, which suprisingly were in my size, were designed for foot torture, after walking around in them all day, freezing cold, my muscle contracted and the next day, i think its fair to say I could barely walk, or sit as my ass felt like it had been in a small, but very painful accident.
But that wasnt the worst of it, I had to sit on a stage infront of about fifty people, and have my hair cut.
Having given the go ahead to do whatever he damnwell pleased to the -what can only be describe as a catostraphe- pile of hair on my head, I was newley coloured a deep indigo, and only got a small idea of how it was going to look as my hairdresser told the crowd, and I saw chunks of indigo falling to the floor.
After the catwalk (I really need some lessons in how to walk in heels) I stumbled off the stage, and checked out my new 'do.
I love it.
He could not have got it more right for my personality, and to say I didnt have to pay a penny for it, I was over the moon.
We then had to wait a couple of hours for the rest of the team to finish, then trundled to the bus in unusual outfits, high shoes, new hair, and a black eye (a design painted on my face by the makeup artist, not by someones fist as it may sound).
And then, the bastard bus driver forgot about us, we then waited for an hour and a half for him to reach us, then another hour and a half to get back to the salon in oxford circus.
Needless to say the shoes came off at the door, as did the skirt, I could finally breathe again.
I had a fabulous time with Haringtons, they're so lovely, and so much fun. I'm so grateful to them, and their very talenting hands.

Monday consisted of crits (C+ we were happy), and an emergency trip to the hospital as Steph had gone blind (we were not happy).
Note to self: DO NOT sit on the chairs near the toilets, little children throw up, narrowly missing your lovely Accesories bag, and stinking the place up for a good hour, until the attendings can clean up.

On Tuesday, in the spirit of changing our looks, myself and Portia decided to get new piercings, I followed the example of my mother and sister, and Portia got her belly button pierced, we all held hands and came out of Woody's feeling rather proud of ourselves, if a little sore.

I'm now back at the other halves house (twice in four days, i'm doing well). This time there was no X-Factor, although he had just had an hour long soak in the bath, I didnt no whether this was better or worse.
Its nice to be in a warm room, you can practically see my breath in my room.
He keeps looking at me in a nodding dog kind of way, its cute and rather distracting.
Breakfast was some wierd scottish dish called, bannock (don't ask, I was flummoxed) and cake, in the true spirit of student life, finished with a brew.

I'm now going to have a bath and wash my self inflicted wounds.

18/08/09

I have decided to take a break from the norm, and spend an evening at my other halves house, a place I haven't been to for 'a good few months' as pointed out, by said half, earlier today. (Its actually been about 3 weeks).
Upon my arrival to, not only his house, but a building that houses 3 other guys, I expected there to be some grunts, a football match on the tv, you know, the regular 'man thing' happening. I was however shocked to find, its two most manly occupents (my boyfriend and his housemate I have named Brad, due to his uncanny resemblance to Brad Pitt), sat having a quiet night in, with a cup of tea, watching X-Factor, yes thats right, X-Factor. The most ridiculous programme to ever grace our television sets, when I left my house (a house full of girls) they were watching south park, I cant help but think the feminine/masculine divide of our generation is quickly disappearing.
As I was pondering this thought, alongside the thought that the nail varnish I bought with me, would be better enjoyed by either Laurence or Brad, another one of my boyfriends housemates came in, with his new copy of Love Actually. I rest my case.
Despite all this, I love being here, its so homely, quiet, and a hell of a lot warmer than my room, which I am from this moment on dubbing, 'The Ice Box.'
After spending all summer here (my boyfriends house, not The Ice Box) it very quickly became common and safe to me, and despite my excitment to move into my own house theres something missing there that I always find here, I am happy to return to here, I should do so more often.
I spent the majority of today in bed after leaving work early, I think my leaking face was putting the customers off. Trying to shift this cold is a nightmare, I just hope it goes by tomorrow as I have an 7 o'clock start, and I somehow doubt bunged up and puffy eyed are a look the photographers are going for.
I am now going to sign off, and sit on the couch, with my better half and watch Family Guy.

Parental unit of the male kind, thanks for your text. Your a legend, love you pops.
Mothership, thank you for your text, it means a lot to me, love you.
Laurence, who is sneakily reading over my shoulder, stop it. love you.

17/08/09

So I have a fucking cold, again.
It's 00:20 and i'm currently laid in bed, with a hot water bottle and a piece of tissue up each nostril, attractive, huh?
This tea brief is sapping my energy, but, its tea, of which I drink copious amounts, so I guess its swings and roundabouts.
Its now 00:22, I should probably go to sleep, although I doubt the caffine in my last brew will let me.
I hope Laurence isn't too noisy when he gets home, he's usually quiet, however with my recent luck in sleeping a mouse fart will probably wake me.
I missed home more than usual today, I cant wait for the parental units and little sister to pay their scheduled visits, although partying till 7am is probably going to kill me, if not give me another god forsaken disease, probably pneumonia or something.
Hmmm I hope Ana is feeling better.
Its now 00:27, and i'm procrastinating on things to write instead of going to sleep, which I definately need to do, more so than typing.
00:28, I feel oddly comforted i'm ending on an even number.
Night x