24/02/09

I start to wonder if our moods are pre-planned for us.
How and why do they drop or fall? I don't know if my sudden emotional crash is due to missing home unbearably or just that fact I have some certain things on my mind, all I know is I woke up today and just didn't want to be here.
I've had these feelings before, and I seem to go deeper and deeper into myself, and I just don't want to see anyone. Even though I've made plans I just wanna curl up in a ball.

I think I just need some time to myself, I'm getting crushed under my thoughts.

Things just don't seem right and I find I'm working myself up and getting scared. I'm starting to miss people I haven't seen for a while more and more, when usually I'm okay.
I started to thing about things sat in A&E the other day. I remember the old man, sat on his own with blood pouring out of his head and nose, the elderly woman sat on her own. No-one to talk to. I don't ever wanna get like that, getting old scares me, but being alone terrifies me.

I feel like I'm in a box and I want to scream, but I just cannot get enough air, and no-one knows I'm here.

I hate how different parts of my body are in conflict, I just can't seem to agree with myself on anything.

I need to stop, before I get in over my head.